After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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