i just google imaged poop.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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