I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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