i would punch a child for taco bell
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize