Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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