Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
