at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
