I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My life is pants optional.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
