You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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