Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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