So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
