Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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