and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
