why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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