U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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