After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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