I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
