honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
