I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
