you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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