i think i have two assholes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
