When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
