We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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