Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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