i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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