Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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