i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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