fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
