I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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