if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
