if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then my night got REAL pukey
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
