i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
