he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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