just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
