you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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