it was like his penis was on wheels.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
