Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
