Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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