well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
