so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
