Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
