I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
