dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
