Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
