Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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