stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
