I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
