I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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