i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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