So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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