you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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