I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we made out on top of his cat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
