Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
