Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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