dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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