She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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