The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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