im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if only i could text you this smell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
