I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boobs speak an international language.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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