The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
