Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
