My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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