we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
