I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
